...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
