I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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