I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
