I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
