guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
