I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize