Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
