Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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