i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
