i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
