oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
