did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My vagina is officially offended.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
