Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They are going to name an STD after you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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