Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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