And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
