matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
