Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
