Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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