Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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