Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
