It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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