I want to make a zoo with you.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
