everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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