last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
