I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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