They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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