I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
