God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
