i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
