Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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