Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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