sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
