she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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