The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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