Betty ford says i'm here all night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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