I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
