so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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