I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize