How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
