I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
