oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
