After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
