you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
