no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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