According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
