You can't special order awesome
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
