I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
