New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
