that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
