I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
