she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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