A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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