Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
