dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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