THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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