You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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