hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
