Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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