Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
