I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
