Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
