I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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