3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
