Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
