New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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