shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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