i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
