lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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