clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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